It really irritates me when you see article after article or post after post with the title “The perfect age to have a children” or “The perfect age gap between siblings“. Yada Yada Yada, YAWN! I find both subjects pointless, annoying and irrelevant.
Firstly, take the perfect age, every age has pros and cons and actually, everyone is different. And this is assuming you can actually have a child when you plan it. Where some might make great mums in their 20s, others (such as myself) might make better mums in their 30s or even 40s. For some people, all they’ve ever wanted to to is be a mum, for others, starting a family is the furthest thing from their mind, they want a career and a life first.
I look at myself when I was in my teens and even in my 20s, I was selfish and irresponsible and could barely look after myself. To sum up my 20s, I graduated from Uni (and partied); then I travelled, got into debt (and partied); then moved to London (and partied). It took a while for my career to get off the ground as it was smack bang in the middle of the last recession (but I still managed to party).
Marriage and children were the furthest things from my mind and I didn’t honestly think I was child-bearing material. PLUS, there was one major thing missing – the right man for the job! I didn’t meet him until I was 29, and at 25 he was a toyboy! He certainly wasn’t interested in settling down.
It never even entered my head to think about children until my 30s, after I got married. Then it seemed like the natural thing to do. I had my daughter when I was 33 (after 1 miscarriage). I was in a good financial position, I’d done my partying, I had a good career and I was ready emotionally to be a mum. And I did have a maternal instinct afterall (it kicked in the minute she was born). I think I make a great mum now but I wouldn’t have done if I’d have been younger.
So although perhaps physically it’s better to have children younger, there are so many other things to factor into the equation. Surely there’s no such thing as ‘the perfect age’, just the ‘perfect time for you’?
Part 2 – The Perfect Gap to follow.
I am with you on this one, there is no perfect time, there is no perfect gap. It is all about doing what is right for you and your family at the time
You’re quite right of course. I think the word “perfect” should actualy be banned, it has an awful lot to excuse itself for.
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Yes – the perfect time for you. I also had my children in my thirties simply because I did not meet mr right until I was in my twenties. I would say standing at the school gates all my friends have 7 year olds and we are all 37+.